People Lie

People lie, people lie to fit in, people lie because they want to believe, people lie because everyone else is lying, and people lie because being honest maybe dangerous. These lies become part of the culture and society. While some lies are innocuous many lies are harmful to individuals, people, societies, and the world.

People want to believe, think, or feel ways they don’t always believe or feel, it is normal to do so. People will lie to themselves and others about what they believe or feel because of these desires. Self deception and denial is something we all do. How many times have we told ourselves “I need X”? when we didn’t need “X” we just wanted it at that time. If this is about wanting an ice cream after having a bad day at work it’s not so bad (unless you need that money to pay your rent), but if this goes too far it can be destructive. Not acknowledging something does not make it go away, dealing with and solving problems requires acknowledging they exist. When one has concerns about the world or others but buries them this could lead to guilt, shame, and feelings of failure if those concerns turn out to be valid. When people are in positions of power deceive themselves it can lead to decisions that can harm many others, potentially for generations through inaction and/or bad policies.

Another form of destructive self deception is the self aggrandizing lie. These are the lies were one tells them selves they are smarter or better than others. These could be classiest lies, nationalist lies, racists lies, ethnicist lies, or sexist lies. These lies can feel good to the individual, especially if that individual has preexisting issues, but when reality contradicts the lies they’ve based their identity on, this can create an existential crisis in individuals, or they put themself in echo chambers which isolates them from reality. Even then the classists, racists, ethnists, and sexists face multiple psychological, social, and economic problems resulting from their beliefs. The worse effect of self aggrandizing self deception is its effect on society and others, classism, nationalism, racing, ethnicism, and sexism have caused so much pain and death. Meaningless wars, slavery, segregation, hate crimes, lynchings, rape, abuse, murder, ethic cleansing, denial of social services, denial of needed good, services, or places, etc are all result of classiest, racist, ethnicist, and sexist lies. These hurt everyone including the ones with the self aggrandizing lies and those they care about.

People will lie to fit in, they fill lie to be accepted by other, and many are afraid being honest will cost them their friends, family, freedom, even lives. These lies can become so ingrained in society that a majority of people will believe the majority believes or feels a certain way when the majority does not. To fit in or because they believe they are the only ones who believe or feel the way they do, a majority will lie about their beliefs or feelings reinforcing the false belief about the majority. These lies range from innocuous lies about shows, movies, and games one likes, to lies about political and religious beliefs, to lies about one’s gender and sexuality.

Homosexuals and transgender people often fear loosing friends and family if they come out, and it’s not just gay and transgendered people. Both liberals and conservatives can fear loosing friends and family if they express their political beliefs. People who have doubts about their religion, have lost, or changed their religious beliefs also fear of loosing friends and family if they express their religious beliefs. Coming out can mean more than loosing friends and family, it could mean loosing ones life. According to the FBI of the 7,554 hate crimes involving 10,528 victims, 20.5% of hate crimes were against homosexuals, 13.4% were against minority religious people, and 2.5 were against transgendered, but the numbers are probably much higher because hate crimes are under reported. In some countries being homosexual or transgender is illegal, in 13 countries homosexuality is punishable by death, in Iran homosexuals are forced into gender reassignment sugary, not trans, gays.

Living in the closet can be psychologically detrimental. Having to live in the closet can cause low self-esteem, low self-worth, self hatred, and depression, these can lead to drug and alcohol abuse. Living in the closet creates feelings of isolation and loneliness, feelings of isolation and loneliness are also causes of alcohol and drug abuse. Low self-esteem, low self-worth, depression, and loneliness are linked to suicidal thoughts and attempts. These don’t just effect individuals but society as a whole. Drug abuse, alcohol abuse, and self destructive behavior effects the people around the individuals, it effects the economy in terms of medical costs and lost revenue, and it effects society in the form or crimes resulting from drug and alcohol addiction.

Some will respond to this by saying something like “they can just change”. No, they can’t. Research has shown that people can’t change their sexuality and that young transgender people do not grow out of it. Research into gay conversion therapy has found that it does not change people orientation and is harmful to people forced into it or volunteered for it, gender “conversion therapy” is just as harmful and doesn’t work. While political and religious beliefs are malleable people don’t just change their minds, if it was that easy people wouldn’t be have to live in the closet. People have to be convinced that their political or religious beliefs are wrong and when one lives in a culture that is one way but believes another, the arguments around them are not convincing to them. If one’s desire to believe something and the arguments of the people around them are not enough to convince someone of something then trying to force people to change their beliefs will not work, at best will push them into the closet, at worst it will lead to traumas that will make the person unable cope with anything leading to drug and alcohol addiction, and suicide.

People lie, some lies are innocuous but many lies are harmful. They are harmful to individuals and societies. Many lies are believed by a majority, or told because a majority believes a majority believes them. Many people are forced to lie, to live in closets because people, societies, religions, the powerful, and governments won’t accept people for who they are. Many lies come from individuals not accepting who they are.

There is a solution. A more open society were people are willing to tolerate different beliefs and lifestyles so long as no one is harming or abusing others. A society where honesty, especially in the face of a majority, is considered courageous and respectable. A culture people can come out as having different beliefs or just being different and be respected for it rather than loosing friends and family. These will require a major change in the social structure, and the social and religious power structures. Something the powerful will not be willing to accept, and will fight against. It is something we need for a better future, so it is a battle they have to loose.