This is a story about the Big Bad Wolf-
“Hey everybody.”
-who is not that big or that bad.
“Hay!”
Well it’s true. The Wolf was out for a walk one day when he got hungry, it had been a while since he had ham so he went after the Three Little Pigs.
“Hay piggies!”
Seeing the Wolf the three pigs ran into their homes.
“Come on out piggies, I’m not going to eat you, I promise.”
Seeing through the wolf’s lie the pigs yelled “Get off our damn property!”
The Wolf, unable to get them out, had to get in their homes. The firs Pig’s house was made out of straw, so the Wolf burned it down leaving roasted pork. The second Pig’s house was made out of match, the Wolf burned it down and it burned quickly leaving braised ham. The third Pigs house was made out of brick, so the Wolf blew it up causing it to rain bacon bits.
“Oh man, I ate too much. Why did you put three of them there?”
Because that’s the story. Feeling like he needed to burn off all those calories the Wolf went for a walk. Walking through the woods the Wolf met a lady in Red.
“Hay sexy lady.”
“Hey furry boy.”
“How you doin’?”
“I’m fine. You wanna party?”
“Oh yeah.”
Red took the wolf to Grandma’s House. When they got there Woodsman and Grandma were already drinking. When the door closed Red pulled a baggie of coke. “Who wants to have fun?” she yelled
The four got really high and really drunk, staying up until dawn. Noon the next day Woolf and Woodsman woke up, spooning. The two jumped out of bed.
“Oh God, what happened?”
“Damn, I was so drunk, I can’t remember.”
“Oh God, did we?”
“I don’t know. Wait! Does that make me a furry?”
“Does it make me a skinny?”
“Eww!”
“Eww!”
Red and Grandma were gone, and so were Wolf’s and Woodsman’s wallets and phones.
“I hate you Narrator, I really hate you.”
“Who are you talking too?”
“You can’t hear the Narrator?”
Wolf, with a bad headache, went to the bank, bought a new phone, then went home to sleep the hangover off. The next day he went for a walk in the woods again.
“No I’m not! I’m never leaving home again.”
He went for a walk in the woods.
“No!”
He went for a walk in the wood because his house might burn down.
“God dammit! I hate you so much.”
Walking through the woods Wolf saw a beautiful Beauty laying on a stone bed. Mesmerized by her beauty he stood there looking at her. Blue Birds flew around her, sad squeals offered their nuts to try and wake her, Foxes and rabbits mourned next to each other. A charming Prince walked to the seemingly dead Beauty, not noticing the Wolf, the Prince reached up her dress. Shocked by what he saw Wolf called the police.
Olivia Benson and Elliot Stapler were called in to investigate. The case was open and shut but in interrogation Stapler beat the Prince with a stapler. The case ruined, Gil Grissom and his team of CSI were brought in to collect evidence and with the help of Abby Sciuto they took video from a security camera six miles away and enhanced a single pixel to 4k video of the Prince assaulting Beauty. The Prince was convicted, but he was a collage football star so he got six months probation and a deferred sentence.
Beauty was taken to the hospital where it was found that she just had fugu fish poisoning from bad sushi. After Beauty recover ed her and the Wolf had whirlwind romance. After six moths they were married and went to Paris for their honeymoon.
“About time you gave me something good.”
“Who are you talking too?”
“No one honey, lets just look at that view.”
Returning home, they needed to get food.
“No pork!”
So they went after the three Little Lambs. The first Little Lamb’s house was made out of wood so Wolf borrowed an ax from Woodsman, and with a “Here’s Johnny!” he busted in and made Lamb Chops. The second Little Lamb’s house was made out of metal but Beauty was certifies welder, she cut her way in and made seared lamb. The third Little Lamb’s house was made out of bone and his yard was red with blood. They tried to run but he was on them. That night the third Little Lamb feasted on lamb chops, seared lamb, baked wolf and barbecued beauty.
“Oh I hate you. I so fucking hate you.”
The end.
“I’m going to get you for this.”
C.L. Who Writes 
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